


whole

by chieux



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chieux/pseuds/chieux
Summary: Fate is a double-edged sword, especially when it’s so tightly woven around another. For every detail Akechi gleans about Joker, he stumbles across something for Akira. They seem like two separate entities to Akechi—one to adore and one to loathe.
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Kudos: 48





	whole

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanna move forward  
> but it feels like i'm 'round the bend  
> i wanna be straight with myself  
> [but i can't see the difference from beginning and the end](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuzoo1iQxdI)

At first, Cafe Leblanc was part of his exterior persona.

His visits had superficial purpose. Not only were they in the interest of the investigation, but they added to his carefully constructed charm. Every detective needs somewhere to drink coffee, and the local coffee shop which can’t decide if it is French, Japanese or operating out of someone’s basement is just perfect for Akechi. He loves it as much as he loathes it, carefully blocking out the sound of every patron who voices their opinion too loudly, especially when it revolves around Akechi’s own status—his own self esteem. Instead, he focuses on the mystery of a man who housed a daughter unrelated to him. It is a concept Akechi tries to observe passively, smiling with all the charm of Robin Hood, while the flickers of parents and government workers who hadn’t wanted him only fuel Loki. Still, such matters of personas and hearts don’t matter when it comes to other’s perceptions of him. Initially, the only thing he had to gain from Leblanc was another conversation topic to bring up with the adults around him. His sophistication is another part of his image, one which he takes great patience and pride in maintaining. It’s only when Akira starts to cross paths with him more that Akechi realises how easy it is to get confident with your ability to protect yourself. For all his charisma, intelligence and initiative, he’s never considered that his biggest weakness would be an alternate reflection of himself, mirrored in unruly hair and casual blazers. 

Now, Cafe Leblanc is part of his interior persona. 

Fate is a double-edged sword, especially when it’s so tightly woven around another. For every detail Akechi gleans about Joker, he stumbles across something for Akira. They seem like two separate entities to Akechi—one to adore and one to loathe. He’s starting to become obsessed with the man, soaking up every aspect of his life and trying to make sense of where things went so differently for the two of them. Even cast aside in a new city, Akira builds relationships with humble nods and natural quips; Akechi works his hands raw while socialising, grinding down to the flesh and bone with each planned retort and executed smile. It makes the man seethe with jealousy, he’s desperately crafted himself to be the epitome of perfection to the world, only to have a philistine come and snatch it from him. Akira doesn’t need the validation and affection like Akechi does; he isn’t a sinking ship, desperately looking for something to fill the holes. Akechi craves something that can save him but, perhaps more than anything, he craves to believe that he truly deserves all these things. 

Sometimes, there are brief seconds where he doubts his commitment to self loathing. He won’t ever let it be obvious that he wants to see Akira. If they miss each other, then they miss each other. Akechi’s outward appearance is so well crafted that he can’t bring himself to draw suspicions; he has no reason to nurse his coffee, order another or simply wait. He and Akira are not friends, at least not officially. They are two ships that pass in the night, or they should be. Even when they pass, Akechi feels a snag. Something always draws him into Akira for a second too long, or a second too short. He’s starting to live for the rare occasions where Akira comes home while he’s still there, clearly deciding that those nights are fated nights. They may only exchange passing sentences in carefully constructed banter, in which neither believes the other’s tone or aloofness, but Akechi loves that part most. They both know. As long as Akira is still interested in the personalities that lurk underneath Akechi’s exterior, then he still has a shot. The things he wants from Akira aren’t easily labelled—friends, enemies, lovers, strangers—all of those things are necessary and yet the idea is repulsive at the same time. He wants everything, but he can barely cope with being given the bare minimum. 

He wants Akira to play the mind games, because that’s another moment longer that he has the man’s attention. He knows that he has Akira’s scrutiny for all the wrong reasons, but he revels in it. Perhaps Akechi’s greatest downfall is how effortlessly mysterious Akira remains. They can never quite close the distance between them, always glancing and stepping around one another. They never come closer than an inch apart. The fact Akira doesn’t fall for his public appearance is as frustrating as it is liberating. He hates that Akira won’t look at Crow, just as Akechi won’t look at Joker. Somewhere between them is Loki, and Akechi knows how Joker will look at him, but Akira is always a fleeting hope. Conversely, he wants to devour Joker and purge his smirk. No other death could compare to that of Joker’s, an accomplishment that would finally guarantee Akechi as the victor. It would be the ultimate statement; he was worth more and it was his destiny to overcome—to live. In the nights where he sips coffee to the hums of old electrical installations and passing pedestrians, such violent fantasies disentangle from his idea of destiny and fate. Blood and death are quiet vibrations, overshadowed by how strongly Robin Hood responds to Akira; he wants Akira to see some kind of goodness. 

Sometimes Akechi thinks the man knows, when that feeling of a kinship settles in his chest—a feeling that had always been out of his grasp. He wonders if this is their destiny, in which Akira sees something worth redeeming and makes it flourish. From the abused student to the hikikomori, Akira is able to soothe all of those around him. However, Akechi is sure that his own fate is different. He’s already passed the line of being redeemed, sealing his fate long before Akira had shown up. Fate would have been to meet him a month ago, a year ago, a lifetime ago. The magic of Akira—of the Joker—is something that can’t reach Akechi now. He tells himself this is a necessary protection in order to carry out his duties, but there’s a sticky, bitter taste that doesn’t quite come from the coffee.

**Author's Note:**

> just a little drabble to practice writing akechi as i scour your local persona 5 kinkmeme, looking for the juicy prompts
> 
> if you want to talk about akechi or have prompts you can drop an ask at [my tumblr](https://chieux.tumblr.com/)


End file.
